Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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