I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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