Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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