shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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