I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
