Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
