don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
