Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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