he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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