I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
