just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They are going to name an STD after you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
