Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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