In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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