The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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