Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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