How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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