i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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