Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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