Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
