i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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