IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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