When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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