mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
