She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
