I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
