We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
