It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
