Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
