If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
