you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
