Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
