I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
