He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just invented taco cereal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
