all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
