I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
