Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
