that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My life is pants optional.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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