Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
