i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
