Will you blow on my dice?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
