i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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