So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize