We're like a lot better than the average bears
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
