just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
