True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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