I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
