on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
