i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
