In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
