did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
