Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
