i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
