reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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