so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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