SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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