I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
