So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize