How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
