sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
