remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize