You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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