distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
