Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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