you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
