On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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