Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
