Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
