I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
