I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i believe in u and ur pee
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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