He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
